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January 31st, 2005

10:40 pm

Well havent updated since christmas... been horribly sick in the past few days. More of a pian then anything...

On Thursday I passed out, one minute i was standing the next someone was waking me up as i lay on the floor.  I was so scared, i didnt know where i was or who i was for that matter. And i have only been feeling worse. But i am still alive and still going to school, surprisingly. Going to the doctor tomorrow to find out what is wrong, hopefully nothing...

I am taking Dance at odu,decent but i have had better, alot better, but i shouldnt complain, i mean afterall, i am not paying to take dance there anyway. Other then that school is not going good. Maybe its because i having been feeling well, i dont know, but it is so sucking this semster...


Sorry i just wanted to bitch, so goodnight

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December 29th, 2004

10:12 pm - update...
well, lets see i have decided that i need to update, and to make this one a happy update since i dont really have too much to be upset about.

christmas was good to me. Jon gave me a beautiful butterfly ring. it is purple and blue. it is soooo beautiful. plus it is white gold, not that ugly yellow gold. i bought him a playstation 2, because i am poor i had to wait until this year to get it for him. But i did get him Grand Theft Auto San Andreas. but yeah...

i hate jons mom tho. I cussed her out the other day, and told her to go to hell. She started to cry. Jon laughed when i told him. He couldnt stop laughing. It was funny, i wont lie. And on top of all that i felt so much better. I asked jon if it would be okay if i kept telling her how i felt towards her. Then maybe she would leave me alone and quit calling me. I told her that she should grow the fuck up and realize that jon is her son and yes he does have anger problems and so does she. My dad yelled at her to go and get professional help about her anger problems. My mom hung up the phone on her. I started to laugh when she did that. It was funny, that all happened christmas day, mind you.

me and jon a verbally engaged which is awesome. i told him to wait to buy the ring b/c i am so picky and dont know if he can afford the ring i will. I saw one ring that was 3crt. tw, omg! it was sooooo beautiful. it was in the shape of a heart with a bunch of little diamonds surronding 1 big one. i want it but it costs alot!!!!

i cant wait until savannh graduates, then me her and jon can move in together. it is going to be awesome as fuck! but yeah.... i am in a good mood since i cussed out charleen(jons mom)

anyways i am out, take care, stay safe...
Current Mood: enthralledenthralled
Current Music: mosh-eminem/word up-korn

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December 17th, 2004

03:28 pm

well, since i was home almost all fucking day i had plenty of time to think about how excately my life was going. I want a new fucking job and to move out of my parents house. i hate having to follow their rules and do whatever they say. it pisses me off to no end.

I am just sick and tired of just being here in this house. I am 18years old and yet i still have to be home when they want me home, i have to tell them where i am going, what i plan on doing and shit like that. I realize that when kara was 18 she was having a baby and living on her own, but still... it sucks. I have a strong feeling that seth will never have to deal with this shit since he is a boy and is allowed to get away with everything, he lies to mom and dad he doesnt do what he told to do, so mom will do it. he is a fucking piece of worthless shit.

But yeah, i hate christmas time. it sucks. i hate having to think about what people want or what to buy them. I hate having to be around people in general. it sucks. ahhh... i should be so bah humbug, but still christmas does suck, america has lost the true meaning of christmas, now it is all about greed and who gets what....

just in a bad mood....

on a good note, i passed statistics with a B, surprisingly, i am sooo surprised i could cry....

my psychology grade is not posted, nor my geology, criminology and writing, which sucks. but oh well.

anyways i am out

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December 13th, 2004

10:50 pm - wasting away in reality...

i have figured out way i turned to drugs and certain other things..... i cant stand reality.... i am a chicken... i just... i needed that thing to hide me and my true feelings from the world. i need to face reality for once..

i love jon sooo much. i just cried my eyes out for no real reason and he just held me and rubbed my back. he didnt seem to mind that i was crying and wouldnt tell him why. Jon being there for me is so much greater than the feeling of my friends being there for me. i dont really know what it is excately but he just makes me feel so much better when he is near me. my heart just swells up with joy.

My classes are so going to suck next semster. As if i need more mile runs to get to class in 10min. but hell i am so over it. i am wondering if i really want to be a psychologist or if it is me just trying to have control and understanding of myself. I dont know i am so lost right now nothing seems to phase me. I just feel really really numb.

I bought jon a playstation 2 for christmas. He better like it. and i got him Grand theft auto Sna andreas. or however you spell it. $200 for him he better love it. i actually dont really care if he likes it.

Jon got me a beautiful ring for christmas, it is in the shape of a butterfly. I wish i was as pretty as a butterfly.


Holy shit, i just realized how pitiful i sound. I am not trying to sound this pitiful... i am just typing my thoughts as i think them... no editing no nothing but hell its not like anyone even fucking reads this anyway. so who cares how fucking pitiful i sound...


i am off

Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: korn freak on a leash (dante ross mix)

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December 1st, 2004

11:44 pm

well lets see...

I miss my Duncan... he needs to come back to me.....

A big sorry to George, for like the 20th time plans got canceled, not my fault this time!!!! you have 1 out of 20 but still.....

I am the master at putting things off until the last second, only prob is i dont have a fucking clue what i just wrote my essay on.... who cares...

Joel is a butthead....

Jon is too, but not as much because i LOVE jon, even tho he hurt me tonight, but it was a wonderful hurt heehee

Miss rajitha, we had some awesome fun

this update is taking me a long time

i keep getting side tracked.....

sleep is what need to do

dont feel like tho


should, good night

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November 18th, 2004

10:09 am
well, just passing time sitting here at webb in odu. i really am thinking about transfering. dont know where i would go tho. but i dont think i want to graduate from odu. that and they cant even spell my name correctly. they suck. anyways that is my thought of the day. i am bored!

last night sucked. tonight is suppose to be good. me and jon are suppose to out to the grate steak for dinner. yay! lets see if that happens. i hope it does.

i need to go and get my battery pack from my car but i just dont feel it. maybe when courtney gets out of class me and her will go together. that is only in like 30min. i hope.

i have to pee...

we keep going out to eat at andre's pizza. the people in there know excately what we want. our waitress has decided to just come over and make sure that we want our "regular" its kindof funny.

but hey i am going. peace
Current Mood: i have to pee
Current Music: people

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November 15th, 2004

02:20 pm
well i have a 5 page paper due in alittle less then 24 hrs. i have completed the first sentence of it. well it really doesnt have to be a complete 5pages only about 4 1/2 at least. how am i suppose to get to page 2? she wants random titles in it too, so maybe it wont be too too bad.

i got my tongue pierced on 11-6-04, my 18th birthday, that was fun. It didnt hurt, i actually didnt know it was pierced until he stuck the barbell into it. that is how much it hurt. so all you whimps who think it will hurt, it doesnt. I really cant talk on the whimp part tho, i cried when i got my ears pierced. everybody told me my tongue would hurt tho.... dont know

The pirates from the blackbeard festival want me to come and join them. i think i might. dont know yet. yay!!! pete just asked me to be a pirate!!! yay yay yay!!!! and he wants me to model for him. cant wait!!! i think that blackbeard's reenactment pirates have so much fun!!!

anyways going to go

Current Mood: crankycranky
Current Music: random music on my compy/pete on the teley

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November 12th, 2004

11:38 pm - its our anniversary today...
2 years and 5 months whoopy fucking doo, so what does he do? piss me off so much i dont even want to see him. he knows i hate steve.. and right now i kindof am hating him

my dog to trying to break down my door to get to my cat, my cat just got a hair cut, its a shaved pussy!!!!

anyways, i am alittle pissy today, some asshole followed me half way down terminal blvd. b/c i made him mad for blaring my horn at him, he almost slammed into another car?? what the hell was i suppose to do?


well yeah, i fell like i am treating a certain someone like complete shit... he knows he is... but yeah, jon, what more can i say?

school sucks. when hasnt it? was i suppose to automatically love school just because i am at odu? or what?

alittle problem, i am getting more and more depressed, and more and more wanting to pull away from everyone, but i cant really just pull away from jon, courtney, and the whole tues/thrus group. i am halfway into tears everyday for no real reason except i am depressed, i need to run away from it all for a little while. maybe that will help me... who the hell cares?
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: korn..

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October 27th, 2004

10:27 pm
 well i must admit that i mainly only write in here when i kindof upset... should be a little noticeable buts its all good... not like anyone reads this anyway...

Well there can be another horrible and long arguement added to mine and jons list... bad bad night... havent cried this much since... well since i found out about the lie... kindof sucks... that was brought up too. basically the whole trust thing was brought up, but i think everything will be good now, at least i hope it all is. if not, here come the tears... 

i spent over an hour trying to get my damn car inspected... i hate shit like that. it annoys me so much. after that i spent 2 hrs at the HHM, but that was the fun part of the day...

Jon got hit by a truck, i laughed when he told me, it is kindof funny when he explained to me how excately it happened.  But yeah. Mike got hit by a car, dumb bitch should look where she is going... but its all good, black chick, black cop, mike is white, can we guess who is at fault?

Rocky horror picture show is on Sunday night, me and jon are suppose to go to it. Dont know if we are. I want to but i dont know if he really wants to. Hope we go. WE are suppose to go see I, Robot friday night at ODU, but JON is going fishing, so i guess i am free on friday night, great.... makes me feel good...

Well i am going to end this, goodnight.

Current Mood: crushedcrushed

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October 9th, 2004

02:17 pm

howdy howdy, i feel like crying..... but yeah its all good

Greatly pissed off at Wic, thought we were friends.... but yeah, i know, with some girls guys do come between. One girl becomes so into her boyfriend that she must ditch her friends who have been since forever.... her loss

Talked to george last night for the first in awhile... interesting conversation...

Jon has me pissed off, wants to go out drinking with steve's little coke head group of friends.... 1. i am not allowed over there, 2. i wouldnt go over there if i was allowed, and 3. i hate drug addicts, that is all there is to it.

Trying to find my advisors phone number... no luck, i guess i can just get lost and go find her office instead of calling her.

Suppose to hang out with either Jon or emily tonight.... but with the way it is looking it seems like another saturday night of work and going home to an empty house. who cares?

I would love to go hang out with Rajitha this week since i have no school on Monday and Tuesday but that is, i am sorry jitters, but it is a long ass drive.... i could meet you half way.

Might go to NC next weekend if i can find someone to go with me. hopefully someone who will drive...

and now i am going because i have to work once again on a saturday night and it just sucks... bye

Current Mood: depresseddepressed

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